Any of a species of plantigrade biped mammals, somewhat domesticated, which prefer to live in bungalows, and are believed to be influenced by the moon, hence the name. Bungaloony is rampant in North America. Possibly a genetic short-coming of bungaloony is its inability to recognize where its food comes from. Believing that it comes from grocery stores, it has the bad habit of biting the hand that feeds it, something even wild animals know to be unhealthy. Zoologists have predicted that this prandial disorder will be the cause of bungaloony’s extinction.

Burbank, Luther
The person after whom Burbank, California is named. What made him important enough for a whole city to be named after him is his incredible work with genetic evolution of plants. Before Burbank, potatoes were the size of strawberries and strawberries were the size of peas.

Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Government television and radio, which just goes to show you that government is good for something, after all.

(pronounced Carrie Nya, like the famous seamstress, who was jailed for illegal storage of dead cotton). A little-known hole-in-the-wall about 15 miles from Montreal. It is no exaggeration to say that more than half the population of Montreal would not be able to tell you where or what Carignan was, even though it gives Montreal all its garbage. It has no centre like a real town; it’s just a bunch of leftover land from the cities around it. I have found it on only one map—the official map of Quebec. Imagine a sheet of pastry from which the cookies (cities) have been cut. Carignan would be the part that’s left-over.

You wouldn’t, for example, try to impress someone at a cocktail party by proudly proclaiming that you were from beautiful downtown Carignan.

I do not know of more than 40 commercial operations here, mostly light industry, small groceries, a flea market, one very expensive “restaurant in the country”, a less expensive restaurant on an island, and a few car and truck dealers. More rampant are grain and mushroom farms, greenhouses, horse ranches, and hobby farmers. It appears that the town is making every effort to cater to its bungaloonies, who represent greater tax revenue, and get rid of its farmers.

A country in South America, famous for its export of coffee and cocaine, a derivative of the coca plant, often used for its euphoria-inducing effect. Without a prescription, cocaine possession is illegal in Canada. As a rule, however, a first-time offender caught with a small amount of cocaine would receive a suspended sentence or a small fine. Serious punishment is reserved for more dangerous crimes, like the illegal storage of dead leaves.

Edmonston, Phillip
One of a handful of politicians for whom I have any respect. Notably, Mr. Edmonston resigned shortly after these events, stating that it was impossible to accomplish anything from within the government. Not to mis-quote him, my interpretation of his statement upon resigning is that government is too corrupt to change from within. The fact that his office/position/title did not permit him to intervene in this matter—even if he wanted to—serves to illustrate my point—government cannot heal the planet.

Ministère de l’Agriculture, des Pêcheries et de l’Alimentation. Roughly translated, this is Quebec’s Ministry of Agriculture, Peaches, Fisheries, Sin and Food.

One of Canada’s ten provinces. In the hierarchy of things, it compares to a state in the U.S., with greater authority than a city, and less authority than federal law, except where jurisdiction permits otherwise.

Royal Canadian Mounted Police, Canada’s federal police force.

St. Lambert
An upper-middle-class city (between Montreal and Carignan), which used to have a by-law prohibiting compost.

The last time I checked, it was the Canadian city with the highest per capita income. It has no need of pretending to be anything it is not. It is part of metropolitan Montreal. If they wanted to be uppity, both St. Lambert and Westmount have a lot more to be snooty about than Carignan.